Fake It Nepal #WeFakeItSoMuchSoThatWeDon'tEvenCreateIt

28, Feb 2018  By Fake It Nepal Kathmandu:  Nepal already encircled with the summer heat and water scarcity impending all over, GON has asked its citizens to take ‘innovative’ approach to celebrating Holi this year and to celebrate the festival online and use MS Paint to throw colors. Speaking to Fake It Nepal, one of the ministers said, “It’s true, the Government was worried about water scarcity in the country and wanted to do something about it. The best we can do is save water. With our PM’s out-of-the-box idea we will not only save water but also give push to digital Nepal.” A website was unveiled where users can upload their phtos and then use MS Paint to throw colors, said, “Now there won’t be any water wastage. In addition people don’t have to take a bath once they are done playing online.” No sooner the news of ‘Online Holi’ was out in the media, news of ‘Rain Dance’ being arranged to celebrate the festival was reported from a few universities. Students w...

23, Feb 2018  By Fake It Nepal Kathmandu: CGPA Bahadur and GPA Kumari felt blissful when their one and a half-year old son spoke few words unexpectedly one day. Both MBA pass outs did not observe it as they were busy in their so called “promising career” after MBA as promised by their MBA college. Babu’s caretaker noticed it and brought him to living room where the MBA couple were sitting. Babu was speaking P…P…T, P…P…T, after taking pause for few seconds again he was shouting PPT. Caretaker of the baby, RekhDekh Kumari while speaking to Fake It Nepal said, “Both Sir and Madam were worried with Babu’s verbal skills. When kids of his age have started calling out Mamu, Buwa, he was not able to say single word. Thank God, for listening to my prayers. Now my prince has started speaking.” She further added, “It was traumatic time for me too, both Sir and Madam will come back home and as per the list of action items they have fed on their mobiles, will ask me how many times B...

‘On the roads of Kathmandu, secured driving rule is to always forecast that you will reach your endpoint late with abusing people on jam. Not only the vehicles moving at a tortoise pace in most of the places of our capital, the less than probable class of driving adds up to the hazard. Most of the cars on kathmandu roads work on manual transmission and that time is not so far when human will be born with stronger arms as part of development to make them easily shift gears. Snail Bahadur, a banker in city has been developing some strange behaviors due to the frequent gears shifting during his drive to his office & vice-versa. If directing through slow moving traffic was a problem he succeeded over, there were bigger difficulties awaiting. Sudden bumps which his body experienced due to the good quality potholes & damaged roads regularly made his body shake even when he was not driving. He would start break dancing sometimes, even during a client presentation. The problem...

21, Feb 2018  By Fake It Nepal Kathmandu:  Los-Angeles based Virgin Hyperloop One on Wednesday signed a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) with the Nepal government to build and develop the world’s first operational hyperloop between Mechi and Mahakali. This will decrease the travel time between Mechi and Mahakali to 2 hours. Even though the final project delivery will take several years, experts are confident that the hyperloop will be functional well before East West Railway. East West Railway is a project more mysterious than the Bermuda Triangle as nobody has been able to figure out the purpose of the feasibility study conducted over a period of last 400 years for the East West Railway. The government has promised that the railway will run in next few years, but that promise has been taken the same way as ‘ Voli Deki Raksi Bandh”  promises. Now the experts have weighed in and said that the proposed Mechi-Mahakali hyperloop will be completed well ...

An employee at a leading commercial bank in Kathmandu ended up in the customer’s house after he found a man talking about not having a bank account. The Kathmandu-based customer, who also was excellent at bargaining, did not realise that his negotiation with the bank staff lasted for over two hours on the entire route from the branch located in Kamaladi to his house located at Balkot, Bhaktapur. As soon as they entered the house, the bank staff demanded visiting fees from him, which reportedly upset the customer. The bank staff, who has bagged various awards in the past for being an ambitious employee, did not budge and followed the customer all the way to Balkot in the local bus. On the other hand, the customer did not agree to open bank account at the offered interest rate and kept on insisting to increase interest rate on during the bus journey. The customer, accompanied by his wife, refused to pay attention to her advice as she tried to convince him to let go off opening a ba...

19, Feb 2018  By  Fake It Nepal Kathmandu:  Faltu Sewak, a 25 YO unemployed person, claiming to be an activist working in correcting mistakes whatever he sees while he roams around the city in an attempt to kill his leisure life. It was a bright sunny day in the month of Falgun and was scheduled to kill his time by watching the Nepal Army practicing their drills for Democracy Day in Tundikhel and was passing through Kamaladi (Unofficial Wall Street of Nepal). While staring a beautiful girl entering one of the bank’s branches, he noticed something wrong in the entrance of the branch. He is expert in checking time and date in his mobile every 2 minutes and reveals it’s very useful in killing time and have an impression on others to be a very busy person. His activist spirit took over his body and he naturally walked to the bank’s entrance and started rubbing the “PUSH” signage. In no time, the security personnel of the bank held him up in NY Police style and started...

18, Feb 2018  By  Fake It Nepal Kathmandu:  Shoppie Kumari amazed the salesperson of a shop by finding something which has “50% discount” tag on it. Shoppie Kumari, an emerging model, wasted a whole day sorting for single product with “50% discount” as she wanted to know if the shops really offee any product with 50% discount when they put this kind of sale advertisements. She was glad to note stores are honest. More than Shoppie, Sales Manager of the outlet, Money Bahadur was happy someone found the ‘missing piece’ he was looking for last so many days. While talking to us Money Bahadur said, “We started this year sale around Christmas time and ending it this Sunday coinciding with the Loshar holiday weekend. This year the target I got from my management is to have 5 PPM (parts per million). For a million products inside store, 5 pieces need to have 50% off. Other four pieces were sold on day 1 of the sale in first one hour. This one was missing. I thought som...

Dhulikhel.  A 21 YO student broke his hand after he falling from very famous rock, dhulikhel, while trying to take a selfie earlier in the morning today. Touring the blissful hill-side of Dhulikhel, Ramesh (name changed), accompanied by his 3 friends was extremely excited clicking pictures of almost every visible thing using his newly bought iphone X.   “We were having one of the memorable days of our lives, but tables were turned after Ramesh decided to take selfie on the edge of rock. Although, Ramesh someway coped to survive the accident and was recovered and admitted to a nearby clinic. “At first, we believed he passed away as it was such a big fall from the rock in a small period of time. We all were frozen and we went numb for a few seconds. There was no one around to help. “Anyway, it was a big relief to know that Ramesh was not dead. We called up local people and they helped us” one of Ramesh friend described us the scenario. “At least I learnt that taki...

14, Feb 2018 By Fake It Nepal      Is buying roses giving you blood pressure problems? Are you also thinking of breaking up with your partner just because you can’t afford roses for V-Day? Well, don’t worry because the Central Bank has asked banks to provide ‘Rose loans’ which will make your rose shopping easier than before. NRB was getting a lot of requests from across the country to reduce the cost of roses or at least fix the price of rose bouquets. But instead of fixing these issues, the NRB introduced easy loans in all banks for buying roses. We talked to Prabakta Kumar of NRB and asked him the reason behind this. He said, “It is the duty of every government to meet the requests of its citizens. A single rose costs anywhere between 50 rupees and 5000 rupees on V-Day. People were getting depressed as they couldn’t buy roses for their loved ones. That’s when we decided to intervene. We cannot lower the prices of roses as this is the only time whe...

11, Feb 2018 By Fake It Nepal     Tyson Carkey (28), a Kathmandu-based internet addict, who titles himself to be a dog lover on social media, was recently found throwing stones at a dog which peed on his car. The event led jolting impressions across the valley as all had started considering that Tyson was a dog lover, obviously because it was on the Internet and everything on the internet is true. Tyson, who bought a new Renault car last month, was possessive o f his new car ever since he bought it. However, on seeing a dog pee on his car, Tyson took no time in picking up a nearby stone and hurling it towards the dog, who escaped unhurt. Speaking to Fake It Nepal, the dog said, “I always used to read his Social Media posts, where he claimed to be a dog lover. I hence gained confidence that he will never harm any dog. He’s broken my trust today by pelting stones at me. As a part of revenge, I have decided to pee on his car every day.” Tyson’s friends...

Kathmandu:  Rajeev and Rashmi (name changed) who got married last month are very much happy about the way things turned out for them. The couple met just a month ago at Rashmi’s place where parents set up meeting for them. Apparently, they liked each other enough and moved forward for marriage.  “I was advised to stare only at the floor while meeting his would be in-laws by my dad. I think the pretend worked, they liked me promptly.” Rajeev added. “While I looked at the carpet our guardians talked to each other about almost everything. Her parents also succeeded to persuade my mom that their daughter is the one they are looking for,” Rajeev stated. “I was glad even before I saw her. The table we sat next to was full of food, even though I was told not to eat ample by my parents I still managed to consume as much as I can.” Rajeev added “Few moments later Rashmi reached outfitted in fine dress and she brought tea for all of us. Till now, everything was happening...

Kathmandu .   A research conducted by JPTBCNC has discovered ,that the average traffic speed in capital city has come down to 12 km/hour. Dhairya Lal, a banker by profession, who travels from Kapan to Jawalakhel every day says in last 3 years he has not got any increment , but his fuel bill has gone up by 300%. He expects soon he will be promoted as Senior Officer. To manage the main deal he needs to reach office before 9 . He does a plain math using excel sheet to find out how much money he has to spend on his fuel bill.Surprisingly, he discovers his fuel bill is already more than his car’s EMI and by next 2 years it will be more than his EMI of home loan. He has also understood, one of the few days he was able to have lunch & dinner with his family members, expressing gratitude to " Sahid Diwas" which is a holiday for school, college and Government offices & Banks as well. From bottom of their hearts the family thanked the great martyrs and have put a fram...

Nowhere : We must have read many articles about must visit places before we die, but what after death? Now, Fake It Nepal Exclusively brings you the must visit places after you die. 1.       Fitness Club/Gym : Making your unsuccessful plan of joining or continuing gym, but never did it when alive. Its never too late, now you can join gym. As you are already dead, you will not feel pain in lifting weights, nor you will be running out of breath. Dead man with six packs abs. 2.      Other Galaxies : Death spontaneously make us spaceman, the occupation most of us used to aim as a growing child. Now you are free to visit any planet. Law of science and gravity is no more a hassle for your movement. Go to Moon, Mars, take a dip in some black hole. Or may be you can go to our neighboring Triangulum Galaxy which is just 2.64 million light years away from the our planet. All you need to do is to go straight till Saturn, and then take a right turn. ...

Kathmandu . Mahesh K.(name changed), an engineer by profession uses a tricky way to reduce cigarettes consumption by taking longer cigarettes. From this method , he has successfully brought down his consumption from 20 to 15 cigs per day. “I can’t express you how I am feeling now from my victory” he stated his gladness, in addition to that his trick of fooling himself is really working. “I know the fact that I am consuming same amount of puffs. However the guiltiness emotion has been definitely reduced, and which is the most important thing.” Now he has been working for manufacturing customized cigarettes upto 50 inch long in order to bring down his consumption to 1 cigs per day. Currently Mahesh is feeling more assured than before. “My upcoming target is to bring down number of pegs I drink in one jam, by taking extra large peg,” he added further Physicians say, Mahesh activities are going damage his liver & lungs in a more smooth and hassle freeway.

05, Feb 2018 By Fake It Nepal A greatest envy of singles, a nightmare for committed ones, Dashain for gift shops – the annual valentine’s lyang is back. The malls, campuses, food joints are packed with couples who can’t get enough of each other and singles of the Forever Alone Club are amused over some of the most unusual jodis. Fake It Nepal has exclusively counted down the reality behind the Valentine’s week timeline: Rose Day There’s a reason why a red colour flower is chosen for this special day. It is the color for danger. It was selected after carefully going over all the intricate details. Cupid himself gives you one final warning on the very first day of the Valentine’s fiasco. But as they say “ माया अन्दा हुन्छ ”  Propose Day “ आफ्नो खुट्टामा बन्चरो हान्नु ”, as simple as that. It is on this officially designated day that a guy voluntarily agrees to fuck his own wallet, and not just metaphorically. Guy proposes, the lady disposes.  ...

04, Feb 2018 By Fake It Nepal  After the conclusion of IPL auctions, the most-awaited cricket league (by the bookies)  will be held from 7 April to 27 May in India . Post bidding of Sandip Lamichhane by Delhi Daredevils at the base price of NPR 3.2 Million for this season, the franchise has guaranteed securing 3 Billion fans from Himalayan Republic of Nepal as securing the title will be decided by the final game of the IPL. Cricket enthusiasts across the globe saw Sri Lankan players wearing masks in the field played at Delhi during their last tour in India which made headlines in the main stream media raising an unanswerable question against the playing condition in Delhi. Considering the hazardous level of air pollution, the only Nepalese player participating in IPL will be carrying Anti-pollution mask in his playing kits during his duty at Delhi Daredevils.  Speaking exclusively to Fake It Nepal Sandip explained, “I am used to air mask as I have spent my time i...

Kathmandu:  Girl carried the sun shine out of 6 sales boy at cevil mall yesterday when she and her friend checked all the expensive dresses with matching purse, ornaments but ended up buying only 2 clips. The sales guy actually did not take the massive waste of their time very well but could complete a single word in principle of consumer experience. Sales boy Rajesh (name changed) spoke to us on terms of secrecy and explained , “They wasted 3.5 hours of everyone’s time. They tried dresses, tops, skirts, jeans, garments, matching purse, bags, ornaments and probably everything in our shop. We believed they are “big shot party” and are going to shop huge. And in the end yo wont believe what they said “ Kunai Pani Saman Man Parena Rey ”and only bought 2 pink clips worth 40Rs. We were like “OMG”, but could not say.” Expert Psychologist Dr. Gufffadi delivered more core vision into this episode. He said, “Trial on several new garments delivers a intelligence of direct fulfilm...

2, Feb 2018  By Fake It Nepal Kathmandu:  A resolution was passed by the UN security council for sending peacekeeping force to Nepal to extinguish the fire between the fans of Messi and Ronaldo. The security Council arranged an urgent meeting to sort out the issue which is more vital than the civil wars taking place in gulf region. Talking to Fake It Nepal Messi Bhakta said “it is the more important issue in Nepal. Who care for petrol and Diesel price hike or pollution”.  Previously, the government tried to intervene and facilitate the peace talk between the supporters of Messi and Ronaldo fearing the issue might become a civil war in the country but there was no ice breaking point to the hatred. Ronaldo Premi questioned, "How can we agree that Ronaldo and Messi are same knowing that Ronaldo is the best" But the two heroic footballers remained in complete muteness on this regard as they  know they have companionship personally and their fans are the most...

२८ जान २०१८ By फेक इट नेपाल काठमाडौं . बिश्व भरि तहल्का मच्चाएको रियालिटी सो “Big Boss” अन्ततः नेपाल आउने भएको छ। AP2 च्यानलमा प्रसारण हुन लागेको सो प्रचारप्रसार गर्दा Under the license from Viacom 18 भनेर नि प्रचार हुनेछ जुन सम्बन्धित दर्शकहरुले “Produced By Jessu George” लाइ जस्तै मतलब गर्ने छैनन्। हुन त भारतीय संस्करणको ‌ नै Big Boss को लोकप्रियता नेपालमा ब्यापक भएको कारण Big Boss लाइ दुइ बर्ष पहिले नै नेपाली संस्करणको ल्याउने प्रयास भएको त हैन यद्यपि Big Boss को लागि दमदार आवाज भएको मानिस पाउन सकेको थिएन। नेपाली संस्करणको Big Boss मा हाउस मेम्बर को सहभागिताको लागि खोजी भइरहेको र विशेष सुत्रका अनुसार चर्चित बैंकर देखि नेपाली वानाबि सनी लियोन र अन्य सँग कुरा भइसकेको जानकारी फेक इट नेपालले प्राप्त गरेको छ। सिसन बानियाँ सँग संवाद गर्न खोज्दा उनी आफ्नो युटुब च्यानल ”Paradygm TV” को अर्को हिट भिडियोको काममा उनी व्यस्त थिए र उनको प्रतिकिया लिन हामी असफल ...

Saptari: Peeing on public wall is essential part of our society. While most of the people does it on first wall first see, Azaad B only urinates on walls that smells piss. This is his role towards the  Clean Nepal Green Nepal  campaign. “It’s our tradition to urinate on road side so I can’t quit it totally however at least I can confirm I am not peeing at a neat or tidy spots. I even check strength of wall by peeing on it and most of these walls are very old ones, We don’t want the wall to fall and someone gets hurt, do we? I smell & verify which spots have a pattern and can be used for reviving myself”, he added. Fake It Nepal asked him if there is message written on wall like “Don’t Pee Here” or “Donkey/Dogs Pee Here” what will be your response, Azaad replied, “Most of the street walls have these kind of messages but these wall already stink of urine, So without any second though I pee over there, neglecting some random guy’s message and prioritizing my bladder....

Kathmandu:  Mr. Santarem, a banker by profession, had taken a swear to quit booze at New Year ’s Eve jam, which was going to be his biggest resolution of his life. However, he revoked his decision very next day.   “Everyone were telling me that I have promised not to touch alcohol as New Year’s resolution. I must have been very high during party to make pointless statements like that. However, this promise can’t be serious since it was taken under alcohol’s influence”, Santarem said to team of Fake It Nepal before he was going to take his tequila shots. “We must not make priority decisions or game changing while being drunk, and if it is especially related to drinking.” He told Fake It Nepal. “Quitting smoking is very easy. I have done it many times.” famously once said and now I say “Quitting to drink is very easy, I do it everyday.”, he said before taking his 4 th large peg.

Kathmandu :   In some organizations, Human Resource takes personal development trainings/skills really seriously for their employees as a part of their annual target, And this year, they have selected ‘Time Management’ as required soft skill training. And, this time trainer was different.  And in training, “Though trainer took 1 hour to move from 1 st slide to 2 nd one, rest of the 40 slides he did in next 5 minutes in-order to conclude so called time management training on time. We all congratulated his ‘effort’ for penetrating to time and gave him a standing ovation,” said Mangal B who was attending his 11 th time management training in 5 years of his career. As Mangal arrived on training only 2 minutes early, Trainer felt offended, he said, “I expect all the trainees to appear 15 minutes prior training starts. As all of you needs to take handouts, write down your names and signature on attendance sheet, and warm-up and focus only on training.”